Better Than a Hippopotamus for Christmas
by I Punch Werewolves 4 Fun
Summary: What chaos can ensue when Emmett decides he knows the perfect gift to give Rosalie for Christmas? All Vamp, takes place after BD


**The Last Minute Holiday Fun Times One Shot Contest**

**Title: Better Than a Hippopotamus for Christmas**

**Your Pen Name: I Punch WereWolves 4 Fun**

**Characters: Emmett**

**Disclaimer: is the all owning Twilight god, I simply make her chars. do random things. Rated M for language and adult content.**

**To see other entries in the contest please visit the C2 page:**

**www-dot-fanfiction-dot-net/community/The_Last_Minute_Holiday_Fun_Times_One_Shot_Contest/76705/**

I sat across from Seth in a corner booth of the only Starbucks in Port Angles, typing away on my newly purchased laptop. Every minute or so I'd look up to scan the coffee shop. My leg was literally bouncing twenty miles per hour.

"Em, man what are you doing? I mean, you're acting all paranoid. Wait! Did you fuck with Alice's shoes again?" Seth questioned. I simply looked up and shook my head no.

"Let me guess, you asked if Nessie was an immaculate conception again?" I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face at that memory.

"Nah, that's only funny once a month and I used that shit last week." I chuckled.

"Shit...you broke Rose's mirror didn't you?" he asked in a worried tone. I minimized the window I was currently looking at and slid the computer over towards him.

"I'm not in any trouble. In fact, Rosie's gonna love me when she gets this Christmas present."

"What did you get her?" he pondered.

"Promise me...no fuck promise. Swear you wont say anything!" I demanded. When he swore that not only would he keep it a secret but help me out, I showed him what I was doing on the laptop.

The screen was opened to ; more specifically the personal's section.

"Dude, I don't get what you're doing searching for singles on that site. Rose would kill you!"

"I posted something, just read what it says man." I instructed him.

_**Looking for a light haired beauty to donate her eggs.**_

_Looking for a chick with blonde or brown hair, not too short, but not tall either,(Being sexy is a big plus as well) to donate her eggs to a loving, lifelong committed couple with fertility problems. _

_Eternal compensation can be provided._

_Contact: BigBadVampDaddyEm_

Seth looked from me to the screen and back about five times before he could speak.

"Dude!?!? What are you thinking?" He whisper yelled.

"Urmm, I thought you were smart. What didn't you understand wolf boy?" Seth still sat there with his jaw hanging open, eyes blinking rapidly, not saying anything. "Guess I gotta spell it out to you." I sighed.

"Rosie has always wanted to be a mom, and this whole vampire thing kinda prevents that. Well…unless your like Eddie and hit it bareback with a human girl. But I figure since Rosie can't have them, I'll find someone who looks like her - not that anyone can look as hot as my wifey - and implant them with some Em-Juice."

I didn't think Seth's jaw could drop anymore, but after telling him my plan, it damn near it the floor.

"Emmett," he started before taking a deep breath. "Are you fucking crazy bro? Like giving your wife a baby made by banging some random chick? Rose will kill you for so many reasons. Plus your willingly going to kill someone?" He sputtered out.

"Dude, who said anything about killings anyone?" I raised an eyebrow. "I mean in the month leading to the birth I'll ask her if she wants to, you know, become a vampire. I mean who wouldn't want to be a vampire?" I scratched my head. " Ohhh, and as far as me cheating on my better half, I never said I was going to have sex with anyone. Unlike my wimpy bitch of a brother, I cant be gentle enough to bone a human. I got something in mind for that part."

"Em, what if this new vampire you're making wants the baby? What if Rose doesn't?" He pointed out.

"Seth, man, are you trying to get me to back down? Because that sure as shit ain't happening bro. Listen, everything's gonna be fine, I guarantee it. So just sit back, relax, and watch me make this shit happen dog." I chuckled. I didn't know where all this negativity was coming from. This plan was _solid_.

Just as Seth was about to say something else, the computer chimed, signaling I had a new email. I quickly slid the laptop back in front of myself. I saw the subject line was _'Looking for some good eggs?'. _

"Hey Seth, I already got a hit. Come check this out man." I called to him as he was at the counter ordering his fifth hot cocoa of the hour. He strolled over and bent down to see the screen as I clicked the email open.

_To: BigBadVampDadyyEm_

_From: XoXoSexziiJessi69_

_**Subject: Looking for some good eggs?**_

_So my name is Jessica, and I totes think I'm a good choice for this._

_I'm like just awesome and totes think it'd be a waste to not make babies from my genes. _

_But I totes have like no desire to be like a mommy._

_This'd be the best thing for everyone. _

_I have kinda wavy light brown hair, and pretty like hazel eyes._

_I'm not fat, I'm like 5 foot 6._

_I totes hate smoking, so no worries there._

_I can totes meet up like ASAP_

_Hit me back_

_-Jess_

I hit reply and asked if she could meet us in an hour by the boardwalk. Her response was an immediate '_most def_.'

Seth and I stood on the boardwalk in front of toy store waiting for this Jessica chick to get here. I kept looking inside, seeing all the fun toys I wanted to buy for my future child. Everything from Legos to ABC blocks and dollhouses to stuffed animals and Tonka's. I made plans to come back and buy it all for my kid.

I was starting to get annoyed because she was going on fifteen minutes late when a girl I went to high school with in Forks approached us. I couldn't remember her name, to be honest I don't think I ever bothered to learn it. Her face lit up as realization dawned on her.

"Hey. Emmett, right?" She asked, her head cocking to the side a little. I turned to Seth, and raised my eyebrow as if to say 'can you believe this girl' before addressing her.

"Urmm, yeah I'm Emmett. But listen, I'm kind of waiting for someone, so…" I took a deep breath. "It was nice seeing you again, but I really need to look for someone." I was hoping she'd just run along. I mean, it seemed every week I was running into someone from that damn school I graduated from two years ago. And it seemed all the females, and even a few males, all felt they needed to tell me of the massive crushes they had on me back then. It was getting old quick, especially when Rosie would cut me off because of it….like I can control anyone wanting to get with me.

She stayed standing in front of me, brows furrowed. "You don't remember my name do you?" she asked. I shook my head no, holding back the urge to throw her across the damn walkway so I could find my potential baby maker. She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed.

"I'm Jessica, Jessica Stanley." she angrily spat at me.

"Oh," I tossed out there, because I had no clue what to say. I never thought any one I would have had any prior contact with would've answered my ad. She seemed unaffected by my lack of response and continued yammering away while I tried to figure out the best course of action.

"So you and Rosalie want a baby, huh? Must suck not to be able to get pregnant. I mean the last time I did, I was like so freaked out. And don't get me started on how Mike handled it. You remember Mike Newton right? Yeah, but he totes like couldn't handle it and used his whole paycheck to pay for me to get rid of it. Something to do with not wanting to disappoint his mom. How lame, right? But it's not like I wanted a baby, so it was all good in the hood with me."

I swear the girl must have learned to breath through her ears, because she just didn't stop talking.

As I stood there pondering this, I knew I would be screwed if I let her leave. She may not have been the _ideal_ egg donor, but if I didn't use her and let her be on her way, I was sure everyone would find out. In the five minutes since we'd started talking she had name dropped and gossiped about almost everyone listed in the Forks phonebook.

My decision was made. She would be giving me my child, and I could send her skanky ass to live with the Denali's. I was pretty sure Tanya would love having someone to help seduce and sex up the men of Alaska.

"So yeah, your Dad's like a doctor - a really hot one by the way - but couldn't he, you know, help with the baby thing?" she asked, stopping only to look at me and take in a lungful of air.

I luckily managed to speak before she could go off on another epic tangent. "Jessica, would you like to go to my house to discuss this some more?" I leaned in when I saw her looking apprehensive and left out a breath strong enough to drift her way. "In private?"

Her eyes almost glazed over, and it reminded me of how Edward used to use that trick to get Bella to accept gifts from him. She nodded her head enthusiastically. I offered her my elbow and led her to my jeep with Seth following behind us. I helped her into the front seat, motioning for him to follow me to the back so we could talk.

"Rosie and I own a farmhouse about twenty minutes from here. It's already got the medical supplies waiting there. So now I need you to stay as close to me as possible dude, like within ten feet so the god damn future seeing pixie doesn't get wind of this. Okay?" I asked.

"Sure dude, but how are you gonna pull off not going home until Christmas? I mean, it's like a month away."

"I emailed everyone and told them I was off to find the perfect gift for Rosie. Fuckers think I'm in Africa searching for diamonds or some shit." I chuckled. "You might want to call you sister or something before they think you pulled a Jacob and went all MIA." He nodded and made the call to Leah. Then we climbed in and took off.

When we pulled up to the house, I pulled another page out of Edward's book by racing around the jeep and opening the door for Jessica. Once inside the house I told her to get comfortable in the living room while I fixed her some coffee. Seth followed me in, thankfully, because I had no clue how to work a coffee machine.

When it was done brewing and had been poured into mugs, I pulled out a little pill bottle from my pocket. After, I read the label I pulled three pills and dropped them into the cup in front of me, stirring it rapidly to make certain the pills dissolved.

"What the hell are you doing?" Seth choked out, staring between the now special coffee and the pill bottle.

"Well we're going to make sure she passes out so we can drive up to Denali," I stated.

Rubbing the back of his neck he sighed. "Why are we going to Denali?"

"Well because I'm going to need someone's help, and I plan on leaving her ass there if she decides she wants to be a vamp. So I figure why not just go now," I explained while picking up the mugs and walking back into the living room.

Jessica was still there looking through a magazine while chewing her gum loudly. I set her cup down and took a seat in a chair across from her, pretending the coffee was too hot for me to drink. She leaned over and grabbed hers, drinking a few sips.

"Oh my god! This is a good blend Emmett, but…" she paused then pulled a small bottle of Bailey's from her huge ass purse. "Would you mind if I made it a little Irish?" she giggled.

"Go right ahead," I waved my hand in front of me, indicating it was no big deal, but I had to bite my cheeks to stop from smiling. Based on the size of her body, the combination of sleeping pills and liquor, she'd be passed out within an hour.

The forty one minutes it took for Jess's ass to conk out was filled with meaningless chatter. I almost wondered why she didn't ask any more questions about this whole egg thing but didn't dwell too long. It was a good thing she wasn't asking questions because I wasn't sure what answers to give her yet.

With Seth's help we loaded a few coolers of transfusion bags and other boxes of various medical equipment into the back of my jeep. I scooped Jessica up and laid her in the backseat with some pillows and blankets. We climbed into the front and took off heading north on the highway towards Alaska.

We arrived at the Denali family estate the next afternoon. I was a little annoyed. I was hoping to be here sooner, but Seth's stomach kept growling like a grizzly every two hours. I hopped out of the jeep and motioned for him to follow me. I knew Jess wasn't waking up for awhile longer so I locked the doors before we got out.

I strolled up and knocked on the front door, waiting for Tanya to answer. I had talked to Eleazar last week and knew that he and Carmen would be out of the country until the new year and that Kate and Garrett were still busy getting…well…_busy_, which meant Tanya would be home alone.

She flung the door open, and exclaimed, "Emmett! Oh my god, what are you doing here?" She flew at me hugging me tight. Poor girl must've been lonely.

"Hey there girlie," I laughed hugging her back. "How much do you love me?" I asked flashing my best sad puppy face. She laughed, swatting my shoulder before she sighed.

"What do you need Em?"

"I need your help. Lets go inside for a minute so I can explain."

After laying out my idea to Tanya, she was shocked to say the least, but she also thought that I was going to do it regardless, so helping me was the better option. I honestly think she was just excited that she'd have another sister to go pick up guys with soon, damn succubus that she was.

Tanya went upstairs to get a guest bedroom ready while Seth and I started bringing all the equipment and coolers in. After setting everything up and putting the blood in a refrigerator, I went to get Jess and bring her in.

I carried her upstairs bridal style and gently placed her on the bed. Then I covered her in blankets before attempting to leave the room. As I was about to walk through the doorway I heard Tanya gasp. Immediately I turned to see what was happening.

Tanya was standing there staring at a sleeping Jess the same way Edward used to watch Bells sleep. Her head was cocked to the side with an adoring smile plastered to her face.

"Yo T. What's wrong girlie?" I asked, completely baffled as to the reason she looked to god damn love sick.

"I-I-I think I just found m-m-my mate Emmett," she spluttered out, her eyes never leaving the sleeping human.

To say I was in shock would be an understatement. Never in a million years did I ever imagine this could happen. I think Seth was shocked too; his mouth was slack jawed, and his eyes weren't blinking. Hell, if it weren't for his heartbeat and the nasty puppy smell, he could've passed for a vampire.

"What do you mean? You really think you just mated with Jessica?" She nodded her head, and I took a deep unneeded breath. "Umm, well I'll be damned. Congrats Tanya, it's about time you settled down woman!"

She just turned to look at me, her face portraying the increasing anxiety she was no doubt feeling. "What?" I questioned. I mean if I had been around as long as her and had _finally_ found my mate I think I'd be pretty fucking excited.

After five minutes of silence Tanya finally whispered to me, "What if she doesn't want me? I mean do you know if she likes women? I didn't even know mating with another female was possible for us. Em, what if she hates me or doesn't want to be a vampire? I couldn't handle that. I'd probably do what Edward did and go to Italy."

I couldn't help but let out a long boisterous laugh. Tanya scowled at me while Seth chuckled, and Jess started to stir in her sleep. Upon seeing the motion from the bed Tanya ran and hid behind me.

"Damn it, T. What are you doing?" I asked while she tried to stay hidden and also push me closer to the bed.

"I want her to see you. I don't want her to see me yet if she might reject me. Plus, I need to go change. I need to look hot for her Emmy," she whispered nervously then booked it out the door at vampire speed.

Looking at Seth I motioned to the doorway with my thumb and said, "She's a funny one, ain't she?" We both laughed until Jess's voice punctured the air.

"Wh-Where am I?" she questioned while looking all around the room. "Wh-What happened to me?"

Turning around I gave her my best smile, complete with boyish dimples. Sitting down on the edge of the bed I started in on what was sure to be an interesting conversation. "To answer your first question, we are in Denali, Alaska at my cousin Tanya's house. As for what happened to you…I think you made your coffee a little too Irish."

She stared wide eyed at me and right as it appeared she might freak out, I leaned over and breathed long and hard into her face. The dazzle effect was almost instantaneous because she just nodded her head.

"I'll be back in one moment, okay sweetie?" I asked while rubbing her shoulder.

"Sure, whatever," she sighed happily as I got up and moved out the door with Seth on my heels. Following the noises down the hall, I located Tanya's room and walked in without knocking.

"T!" I shouted into her massive closet. "I need you to hurry up. She's starting to ask questions, so get you booty in there and make her beg for an eternity with you." She walked out still looking worried about the situation but looking fine as fuck. I mean no one's hotter than my wife, but if I was unmated...I'd _so_ tap that.

"Em, are you sure I can do this? I mean exactly what am I supposed to tell her?" Tanya asked distractedly while still searching through a section of her closet housing skimpy shirts.

"Well, do you want to make her a vampire?" She nodded enthusiastically. "Okay. Well, first thing, work the dazzle effect. She'll fall for you, I don't doubt it. Then, convince her that she wants to become one of us but the only way we can do it is if she has the baby and gives it to me and Rosie. I think that's the best course of action so… go do it!"

A look of sheer determination set across her face as she straightened herself to full height. Then, she glanced up at me and in the most self-assured voice I had ever heard her use, she said, "Don't worry Em, I got this in the bag!"

She strutted our the room and down the hall like she was on a mission, albeit a sexy mission. I grabbed Seth's arm and whispered to him to stay quiet and follow my lead. We walked as quietly as possible down the hall, though I'm sure Tanya could hear us if she was paying attention. The door to the bedroom was cracked a little so we could see the bed with both girls sitting on it.

Jess was sitting up against the headboard, and Tanya was next to her sitting on the edge of the bed. Despite both mine and Seth's super sonic hearing abilities, we couldn't make out a word being said because as soon as Tanya swept Jess' hair off her shoulder, my mind started running wild with possibilities. And based the slobber dripping from the pup's chin, I'm sure he was following the same train of thoughts.

Within twenty seconds of Tanya's mouth moving I knew everything would work out just fine. Jess's eyes were glazed over, her breathing becoming heavy and ragged. She seemed to be slowly leaning towards T. The sound of Seth's breathing and heartbeat broke my trance, however.

"Dude, you're like a dog in heat. Snap out of it." I chastised. He simply nodded and took some deep breaths. Looking back through the crack I realized I was hearing them speak now.

"Ohh Tanya, was it?" Jess purred seductively. "What's a gorgeous female specimen like you doing hidden in Alaska?" She then placed the tip of her index finger in her mouth and bit it in a sexy manner.

Tanya then leaned in and stroked one hand through Jess' hair while the other was lazily stroking Jess's cheek. "Waiting for you baby," T let out in husky whispers. My mind totally spaced out again as all I could take in was the scene before me.

About ten minutes later Tanya had laid it all out to Jess. I'm talking vampires being real, that we all were vamps, our diet, the only way to have children, and above all else, her new found and unwavering love for Jess.

"So baby," Tanya cooed. "Do you want to do this? For me? So we could be together always?" On the word 'always' T let out a long sensual breath right into Jess's face. The girl was so dazzled at that point she couldn't speak. She only nodded her head yes in a vigorous motion.

"Perfect," Tanya sighed and then licked her lips. I knew what was coming next, and I was bouncing in anticipation like a kid on Christmas morning. My grin was huge, and I about jazzed myself when their lips finally met in a sensual kiss.

Looking over at Seth I asked, "Hey do you think there'd be a market for Vampiress on Vampiress porn?" Our loud guffaws broke them apart and from the looks on their faces they were not pleased.

Ignoring the glares from the both of them I strolled right up and inquired, "So when are we going to do this baby making thing?" The glares intensified, and I rolled my eyes at them. "I'm not gonna be fucking Jess if that's what you're both worrying about. I was thinking more like artificial insemination," I said with my hands held in front of me.

"Fine but _I'm_ injecting her with it," Tanya commanded. "No one touches my baby except me," she stated while hugging Jess close to her and smiling at her adoringly.

"I'm fine with that," I responded awkwardly while rubbing the back of my neck. "I'll umm… just go… get the.. baby juice for you."

Walking over to a box near the door, I opened it and removed a package containing a brand new sterilized turkey baster. I told Seth to follow me and proceeded to the bathroom. At the door he stopped and looked at me quizzically. "What?" I asked.

"Dude, you don't expect me in there with you, right?" he pondered.

"Fuck man, no! I wouldn't be able to get it up, never mind get off with you in the room." I shot back. "Just stand by the door so the real life _Zoltar Speaks _doesn't see this shit."

After shutting the door I dropped trou' and started rubbing little Emmett some to wake him up. He was pretty responsive after the girl on girl action I had witnessed moments before. Closing my eyes and wrapping my hand around him I let myself think about what could have happened if I had kept my mouth shut.

As good as the images I conjured were, they weren't getting the job done so I thought about my wife.

About my wife in black lacy things.

Me tearing the black lacy things off my wife.

My wife ridding me.

Ridding me hard.

That last thought had me so close to cumming. With my free hand I reached for the opened baster, lined the bulb piece up with my ice rod of a cock, and released an icy nut-sicle. With my perfect vampire aim I got every last drop inside the piece, and thankfully, I bought the industrial size because it was full to the brim with my artic swimmers.

I screwed the other piece back on and with a few complicated maneuvers, managed to get my pants back on. When I opened the door Seth looked at the baster then back up at me raising an eyebrow. My grin was smug as I nodded back at him.

Walking back down the hall, Tanya was waiting for us outside the bedroom door with medical gloves on. I handed her the baster and warned her, "Don't spill it, and make sure you use every last drop," followed by a wink. She rolled her eyes and mumbled a whatever before opening the door.

Just as she was about to close it I threw out, "Let me know if you need more. I'd be more than happy to _produce_ it for you." Her response was to slam the door, _hard_.

Seth and I ended up settling down in the living room and watched some TV while Tanya knocked up her new life partner. The football game that was on had all my attention until I heard moaning from upstairs followed by Jess's passionate cries of "_Oh god, yes baby_!"

Tanya came down a few minutes later muttering something about Jess sleeping. Upon seeing our faces she scoffed, "What? I read orgasms help the process." I fell off the sofa from laughing at that.

Over the course of the next week we followed a routine of me whacking off into a kitchen tool, and Tanya basting Jess's eggs three times a day.

On the seventh day of implanting we had Jess take a pregnancy test. I had bought the best one I could find at the drug store. The guy behind the counter said it was the most accurate, as well as the one that could detect pregnancy hormones the earliest. So I ended up buying twenty of them, just to be safe.

After she whizzed on four of them, even though I insisted we needed more than that, we all sat around waiting to see what the results would say. It was easily the longest three minutes of my existence, which says a lot consider the whole eternity thing.

When the timer I had set went off, everyone stood and made a motion towards the bathroom door. Using my awesome vampire speed I got there first and blocked them all from entering. "Its my baby, I want to check them!" I stated like a petulant child before hurrying inside and slamming the door in their faces.

I must have walked towards the counter then turned and scampered back to the door fifty times before I found enough testicular tenacity to inspect them. My world seemed to crash around me and life began to take on new meaning when I saw the little pink +'s. Never in the history of the universe had anyone ever been more enamored by a hunk of pissed on plastic than I was.

Yanking the door open I pointed at Jess and started singing, "Who's that? That's just my baby's mama!" I proceeded to pick her and Tanya up and spin them around while we all cheered and laughed.

The celebrating continued for a few minutes, after which I became all business again. Bringing Jess upstairs, we got her comfortable and then set her up with an oral feeding tube so she didn't have to taste the blood I would be pumping into her.

As the start of the fourth week dawned, Tanya and I maintained a constant vigil over Jess, knowing her labor could start at any point. We had watched her baby bump grow rapidly, and I was shocked by how large Jess had become. Her stomach was a lot bigger than Bella's had been, but then again, Nessie had been sucking the life out of Bells for weeks before we figured out she wanted blood. My little monster was getting the good stuff from the very beginning.

And just as Bella's labor had started abruptly, so did this one. After Tanya threatened to kick me out of the room if I didn't promise to keep my eyes away from any of Jessica's special spots, things went pretty smooth.

I sliced her belly open with a scalpel, and T bit through the womb, arguing it was too personal and intimate for me to do. We got a huge surprise once we were inside the granite baby home.

On December twenty-first at four am, I became the proud daddy of twins. One boy and one girl, both with all their fingers and toes as well as heartbeats. Seth and I left Tanya to tend to Jess per their request that they be alone during the venom injections.

While the babies where being cleaned and clothed, I thought about names for them. As much as I wanted Rose to name them, I felt like it would be wrong to call them thing one and thing two until we got back to Forks for Christmas.

Seth was holding my son, feeding him a bottle of O-negative while my little princess slurped down some B-positive when I decided their names. "Hey Seth what do you think of Nathan Seth and Daniella Rose McCarty Cullen?" I asked.

"Nathan Seth? Really? Like Seth as in me?" I nodded. "Wow, that's an honor man. Thanks," he said shocked before adding, "And her name is perfect dude."

"I think so too," I whispered while cuddling my baby girl.

Splitting my time between being a daddy to my little heathens and ordering them toys and clothes online, the next few days passed quickly. I ended up buying a small cargo trailer to tow on the back of the jeep so I could bring home all the things I'd bought. Also, despite the fact they were virtually indestructible, I insisted on car seats.

Right after Jess's heart beat for the last time, Seth and I loaded the babies into the jeep. He stayed outside while I went in to say my goodbyes. I wasn't willing to take any chances with a newborn Jess going after my kids.

Tanya was a little emotional and sad to see us leave, but there was an underlying current of excitement too. I know she was counting the seconds down until Jess would be calm enough to explore their love some more.

The trip home to Forks took a little over a day, and this time it was because not only did we need to stop for Seth to eat, but the twins as well. They were the cutest things I had ever seen, but I might have been a bit biased.

About two miles away from the driveway I pulled over and exited the jeep while turning on my cell so I could call the house. Carlisle picked up on the first ring. "Hey Dad," I greeted, "Merry Christmas!" I boomed through the phone.

"Emmett, my god, are you coming home ever?" he questioned. "Son, Rose as well as the rest of us miss you."

My smile widened when he told me I wasn't forgotten about. "Actually, we'll be home soon, like in fifteen minutes. Can you do me a favor? Get everyone together in the living room. I've got a surprise." He readily agreed while chuckling.

Hanging up, Seth and I changed the twins into some nicer holiday outfits to get them ready for the big unveiling. After buckling them back up, it only took a few minutes until we found ourselves parked in the garage. As per the plan, Seth stayed in the car with the twins while I went in to greet the family.

"Merry Christmas," I yelled as I walked into the living room where everyone had gathered. I ran up and gave Rose the biggest hug and kiss I could. Her face when I pulled away as she tried to slip me the tongue was priceless. She had to have known something big was going on at that point, because I don't think there was ever a time when I stopped things from getting carried away.

Next, I scooped up Nessie and told her how much I missed her. She told me it wasn't the same without me. It made me feel like a bad uncle knowing I had kind of just disappeared on her like that, but the payoff would be friends for her to play with. The rest of the family greeted me, and I did my best not to think about anything from my time away so Edward wouldn't hear anything. Since Jake and Quil were over, Alice couldn't see shit happening.

As everyone started to sit back down, I took my place in the middle of the room, ready to make my announcement. I started by handing all the guys small wrapped boxes, which contained a birth announcement for the twins and two cigars. One cigar had a blue '_It's a Boy_' wrapper, while the other was pink with '_It's a Girl_.'

Alice and Bella both got similar boxes with the announcement and pins that said '_World's Best Auntie'_, Esme's pin said grandmother instead of auntie, while Nessie's stated '_I'm the Older Cousin_.' And Rose's box had a mother's necklace with two little stones, one for each baby.

"I want everyone to open their box on the count of three," I explained. "One, Two, Thr-" I was cut off by Rose yelling at me.

"What the fuck is this Emmett?" She asked standing and storming towards me while holding the card with the twins welcoming into to world on it. "Did you buy a fucking puppy again? Because we've got plenty of dogs around here already!" she snarled viscously. I placed my hands on her shoulders and as I was about to tell her about the twins, Edward piped in having seen my thoughts.

"Emmett," he yelled. "Tell me that's a joke! You didn't!" I didn't have a chance to say anything to him because he must have seen all the things going through my mind. He let out a growl. "How stupid could you be! Did you not think about this, think of the consequences of your actions!"

I pulled myself together quickly and sent him my mental message. _Bro, calm down, just watch through my mind for a second, you'll see it's not so bad. _Then I let everything since the afternoon at Starbucks pass through on fast-forward. When he saw the part about Tanya mating with Jessica he laughed…a lot.

He was quiet for a moment before he spoke. "It's not as bad as it seemed, Em, but I still don't know how good this is. I'll support you as much as I can though because you've always stood by me." He sat back down, pulling Bella to him and whispering in her ear so only she could hear. Her eyes widened in my direction.

"Wow Em, I don't know what to say," she said while shaking her head in disbelief.

"This _so_ isn't fair" Alice mumbled. Then a wave of serenity hit me, and I nodded a thanks in Jasper's direction because everyone started to chill the fuck out.

I grabbed Rose's hand and pulled her close to me. "Baby," I cooed while giving her my best innocent expression. "The only thing you've ever wanted was something I could never give you before. At least not the way I would have liked to. But…" I paused for a moment, "I figured out a way that was a second best option. Can you stay right here for just a second, and I'll show you what I mean?"

I ran out to the garage before she could answer. Seth handed me the twins, and I made my way back into the house. Upon first sight there were a few gasps, a '_what the fuck_', and an '_oh my god', _but mainly silence.

Rose stood stiff as a board, hand covering her open mouth in the center of the room.

"I'd like you to meet Nathan Seth and Daniella Rose," I spoke softly, walking up to stand a foot in front of my wife. Her hand dropped from her mouth to her neck, the other one tangled in her hair. She tried to form words a few times before she could manage anything.

"They're yours?" she asked shakily.

"Yes, but I'd like to think of them as ours," I replied in a gentle tone.

She nodded for a second before reaching out to take Nathan from me. She held him with one arm, while the other ran through Daniella's hair. They both smiled happily, showing off their dimples, which caused Rose to laugh before she looked up at me.

"You better not have fucked some whore Emmett!" she stated which made everyone laugh for a second until she added, "I'm serious. I'll rip off and burn your dick!" I smiled wide and pulled her into me, kissing the top of her head.

"Don't worry babe, I bought turkey basters in bulk." I barely choked out, laughing at the end. "Come on over guys!" I exclaimed. "Come welcome the newest Cullen's to the coven."

"Family, Emmett." Carlisle shook his head. "We are more than a coven son, we are a family."

The whole family gathered around to meet our newest members. They were passed from aunt to uncle and back again. It was an amazing sight to behold. So overwhelming in fact that Rose never asked who their egg donor was. At that thought Edward laughed.

"You better hope you get to keep your balls when she finds out," he said with an arrogant smirk. I smirked right back at him.

"Speaking of balls, I guess we know mine are most definitely bigger now brother. My super sperm got me two kids, yours only made one." He shook his head, still chuckling. "What's so funny Assward?"

"Well I guess this is better than what we thought you would bring Rose home for Christmas," he declared.

"Which was?" I curiously inquired.

"A hippopotamus."


End file.
